Is Being Single At Midlife More Natural?

Posted on May 13th, 2008 by Guy Lewis

Does Being Single At Midlife Make More Sense To You?

Surely for many at midlife we are now settled into a happy life & routine with a companion. We have become mature individuals and understood what really we want to do with our lives whilst watching our own children develop and grow around us.

For many, there is a hidden desire to break away from their long-trodden routine and a relationship that has long past its sell by date. They fantasize about being free to roam and do exactly what they want to do without hindrance and receiving guilt laden comments by their ‘other half’.

Many partners keep this quite for fear of being alone emotionally, practically or financially. They don’t share their real feelings for their own reasons. This is how things were with my relationship. My partner and I had been trying for our forth child and I had felt things had never been better. We had downsized and both worked from home so that we could both be equally part of our children’s developing lives and not spend so much time apart. Yet within a couple of months my wife had begun an affair that ultimately ended in her leaving the family home.

I had no idea she felt this way, she would tell me she loved me, yet when it came to her being honest to me when I discovered the infidelity she told me she had at many times been tempted to have an affair (but confessed to no more) and had not loved me for a long time. Useful things to know if you are planning to live a happy life. She had found someone that she felt secure enough to ‘jump’ to without fearing she would end up being alone.

Rather than delve into the why’s and wherefores of my wife’s integrity, her midlife crisis and my own I am more interested (today) to write about being mid in years and that perhaps for many it is a time that more naturally you should be single.

You see, and I am aware that this is a little controversial, but stay with me here.

As you come of age, i.e. midlife, you become finally and fully aware of who you really are and what is really important to you. Mixed with a slight increase in your narcissism you are now well prepared to be uncompromising with your views and motivations for your own life, and less likely to be willing to compromise for others.

So wouldn’t it just be more natural for a whole lot of us to be honest with our partners and say, “hey its been nice but in the last few years you’ve got really boring and I want more form life.. so .. I’m off. Good Luck”

Harsh words but honest. Genuine. You can’t accuse a person who would stand up and say that to their partner as being a coward, hiding away their true feelings, just…

…. waiting for the day for a damsel to arrive over the horizon needing to be rescued, or a knight in shining armour to whisk them away.

I look around me sometimes and I see a whole community of people living alone, happily, independent and loving it that way because of the freedom it gives them to do what they want and live exactly the way they want to live. Perhaps in a way like they are reliving their college days perhaps. Free from complications. Earning a crust and paying the bills, or maybe even better. Maybe they have got to the top of their profession and are now enjoying the rewards of this. Convertible, summer house, holidays away with friends.

They can socialise, they can have relationships but they don’t let anyone pin them down into a mutually compromising co-habiting agreement (now there’s a phrase I might like to use again!)

It seems to me they are the most honest majority. I take my hat off to those couples who are genuinely in love and want to be with each other. They do exist! My parents recently had their 50th wedding anniversary. My mum gets a bit fed up with my dad because he is loosing his hearing but other than that, they work well as a team together on most things.

Guy

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