Managing Your Life Successfully

On a recent visit to my parents I found myself bedding down for the night in my old bedroom. This was a great place to reflect and compare myself today, post midlife crisis, divorced, survivor of infidelity and overcoming mood depression, anxiety and with a sound self-esteem, to the anxious & frequently depressed person I was when I lived here around eighteen years previously.

Life back then, with a small bit of rose tinting, was simpler. OK, so I was desperate for answers even then. Questions about the future and how my life would unfold, normal questioning about my future I guess. As I sat there in bed I took the opportunity to think about what it was that was good about then, that is lost today.

Simpler also means younger I guess. I had my youth and was fit by default. I was single so only had to consider myself although I wanted to be married and have a family. That was probably a security thing I’m assuming now.

Although for most of the time I was out of relationships I was immersing myself into other loves such as music and creating fun car projects, and meeting people who had the same passions as I had. Money wasn’t ever a worry because I had what I had and if I ran out I just sat at home.

Nowadays money is hard because I live in a part of the country where jobs are scarce and I cannot go out for a full working week because I have child responsibilities. Nowadays I am older and health and fitness cannot be taken for granted. Nowadays my youth is not there anymore so I am reminded of my age when I look in the mirror in the morning (not advised for many over the age of forty).

So, how can I get something back from the simplicity of my early years? I feel sometimes that the pressure of the responsibilities means I have little time to really understand what it is I want to do with myself today let alone my future. I feel that everyone wants or needs a piece of me, even my ex needs me to serve up our children to her and too ill to accept her responsibilities so that I have to cover for her.

I want to have a simple life. I want to just enjoy having a free mind and little to trouble me. I want to enjoy the things in life that are free, nature, a smiling face, a simple conversation. The sunrise on a frosty morning and the bright moon on a clear night.

Yet I cannot ignore most of my responsibilities so it’s never going to be that simple. Take for example finances. My outgoings revolve around trying to keep the house from falling down and keeping the kids from not looking like tramps and making sure they don’t loose out on any opportunities so that my situation does not affect their lives and development. I scrape together the fees for their school activities and feel glad that for them, there is no financial issue (unless their mother has told them again that she is in a financial crisis in which case I will be spending some time with them explaining why they don’t need to worry about that).

What can I do to make my life simple and so be happy and content?

Make money by doing the things I love, which I didn’t do when I was young. Make enough money to cover the household, children and my own needs (but keep my needs simple).

Keep my life simple and not complicate it.

Spend regular time exercising now it cannot be assumed I will be fit and healthy.

Make sure I don’t eat like I did when I was younger. Keep the foot to a minimum and keep it healthy.

I got to the point in this process of thinking where I thought, all my thinking should be able to be put into some simple categories like key indicators. If I got the list down to around 5 key indicators then I could simplify my life by thinking, if there is an activity that does not support or develop any of these key indicators / factors, then I wont complicate my life by doing them.

I’m wondering now how this could help others. I can see how some people, confused about what is important to them and what they actually need in their life, spend so much energy on activities that only give them short term happiness (such as retail therapy) and some others that end up giving them long term pain (infidelity). Whereas with a clear mind about what exactly it is that will give them longer term happiness for example they would be able to understand that retail therapy is ok for a short boost but it isn’t something that will help them if they continually spend money, it just wont get them anywhere except a house full of objects.

Here is my index of key indicators that I want to live my life around from now on, and ensure the essence of it is simple. Its clear how they interconnect, read on.

Relationship & Children: love is good although the children responsibilities and issues regularly dull my relationship. I’ve put these two together to show the main challenge here is the balance between the relationship and the children. It is not easy, it never will be. It’s about doing one’s best I feel sometimes.

Self-Esteem: Self Esteem is high, but will be higher with better income and some weight loss,

Health: health is good, my viral conjunctivitis eye scars are healing and so my eye is not sore anymore after a day of working on a laptop. My sciatic nerve back problem is healing and Imp taking care not to sit badly or pick up heavy items.

Fitness: fitness is poor although residual fitness is still there waiting for it to be utilized. I must start an exercise plan. I have now started walking a little more although my business demands my attention at this point in its development although not for much longer I hope.

Weight: weight has gone up again: needs lowering: risk of heart attack or a stroke gets nearer. However in recent weeks I have changed my diet and am beginning to feel the difference already. I’m not terribly over weight, I’m not obese but I would like to loose a stone. I don’t like having a bulge so its gotta go. I lost it all a couple of years ago but it slowly added it on again.

Money: money is dire: I’m spending more than I get however recently I have got to the point of ‘zero spending’ which means I spend nothing unless it is absolutely necessary and this has helped the financial hemorrhaging I have felt in the last year. I need to keep it up.

Fulfillment: My work is my fulfillment and it is pretty high right now but I need it to be monetised for me to feel completely fulfilled. Having said that, I have sold some of my music so I have past that great point in fulfillment. I have started to develop a game (fun-free-games-online.com) but have not had time recently and have chosen to prioritize other activities over it for the time being. But it remains a very real project and so do the challenges!

OK so that’s seven not five. I’ve just counted them and realized. I will consider making a little graphical display of this for the top page sometime for a bit of fun, but also to put across the simplicity and focus that can be achieved so that the things that are the most important to you can be kept in focus and other things avoided that waste one’s time.

Here is my little graph which I will be tuning from now on. Oh yes, the higher the bars the better the situation. So if I am loosing weight, the bar will be going up.

 

 

Since I wrote this article I thought it would be interesting to compare to Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Needs of which there is a great article over at ye-htut’s Blogspot. It seems I have pretty much covered the lower levels of human needs with my key indicators but I don’t currently show much interest in self actualization which I hope will come once I feel that the lower levels are well fed. read more at Ye-Htut’s Blog and let me know what you think.

Have you got any advice you would like to share about your situation? Post your comment below.

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Filed under: Post Divorce & Midlife Crisis

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