Commonly Asked Questions About The Link Between Depression And Infidelity And Marriage Break Up

I am asked by readers about the connections between their experiences and a midlife crisis of some sort or another and felt it would be helpful to put together, and expand over the months on , my brief thoughts on these issues. This may help those searching on the Internet to find this answer too and draw them to the right articles here.

"can depression cause infidelity?"

Firstly, If you are suffering from depression, particularly for a long period of time it will be hard for your partner too. If they feel their needs are not being met then they will struggle to enjoy life. If your relationship is such that given this extra challenge your partner looks elsewhere for enjoyment of life then yes, depression has caused infidelity however it will only be the ‘last straw’. If your relationship is not strong enough to survive the depression then maybe its not meant to survive long term. Perhaps it is, or always has been superficial. Maybe its time for you to think back and consider what depth of a relationship you have had, and perhaps look to see when else you or your partner have been unwell, how did you cope then?

Secondly, If you or your partner have an affair as a result perhaps of depression then I wonder if you are looking for an excuse rather than a reason for the infidelity. Again, you have to look at how strong your relationship is and has been. How have you coped in the past with hard times with your partner? for example, when money was not so available? when one of you were sick for a week or more? how did you cope then? did you care for each other then? do you enjoy being together or always look for others to be included in social times?

I feel this sound pretty judgemental. I do understand however that given the most extreem conditions people will be driven to do things they may never consider doing. So given even a strong relationship and mutual respect but experiencing a feeling of hopelessness some of us will be vulnerable to look for support elsewhere. this support may evolve into something more emotionally stronger and become, without any relisation, an affair. If someone is so desparate I think it is understandable that this can happen. If someone is particularly vulnerable because of the desperateness in their life because of their partner’s ill health they may look to others for emotional support. So not all infidelity is calculated and narcissistic, sometimes its just about the situation and the vulnerability that we can all experience sometimes, and a lack of awareness of seeing it coming and managing to respond to it.

A Break up of Marriage Due to Depression

This is a more generic occurance, not perhaps related to infidelity but still raises the same issues. If the depressed partner can not offer any support to the non-depressed partner then the non-depressed partner will struggle and find life hard. Under normal healthy conditions a person would not be attracted to a depressed person. A depressed person is lacking in personality, there is no spirit or life within them so living with a person like this is like living with a different person than the one you chose to live with.

If the healthy partner becomes convinced that the depressed partner is not able to heal themselves either through their own efforts or with the help of others then they may feel there is little point in being with someone who they do not understand or recognise.

If they decide the situation is hopeless then there is little point in them staying, there maybe a will to look for a way out, or (as above) become vulnerable to infidelity.

Depression hits at our personality. If there is a glimer of a wish to heal one-self then that glimer could be your only chance to build yourself back up again and be the person your partner loves. Only when you are well can you make sound decisions. Look for professional support from counselors.

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Guy

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Filed under: Depression, Self-Esteem & Anxiety, Relationship Break-up

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