Documented Postings: Midlife Crisis And Relationship Advice

Posted on March 14th, 2008 by Guy Lewis

Midlife Crisis & Relationship Advice: Documented Postings

I recently found a forum for individuals or individuals with partners going through a midlife crisis issues and stepped in to say hi to everyone. I was amazed and a bit overwhelmed but the responses I got back. It seems like there are a lot of people out there trying to deal with their partner’s person going through a midlife crisis. Mostly women although by no means exclusively.

I spent a lot of time there and hope I helped a few people out. The responses I got were very positive and my thoughts go to these poor individuals. They were in the main very confused and felt very alone with what to do with their partner’s situation.

For most it seems the more they try to help and understand what their partner is going through the more they are rejected.

The problem is, and this is why I have set this site up to discuss both infidelity and person going through a midlife crisis, you can’t be sure what really is going on for an individual. A person going through a midlife crisis can be a mask for other plans for some whist for others its just a confusing ambiguous situation where no one, not ever the midlife’er knows what is going on.

I felt that I didn’t want to loose what I had said to all those people out there

And that it held true for so many would probably mean it could help others who come here looking for relationship advice.

Narcissism In A Person Going Through A Midlife Crisis

I started out by saying I had read a few posts and wanted to just say that from my experience a person within their person going through a midlife crisis is at a point where they can be very narcissistic but it doesn’t mean they will always be that way. The narcissistic lead change people were experiencing shocked them. This person they had been so close to for so long now was a stranger, and one who would at best be ambiguous and at worse clearly lie.

When you can separate a person dishing out infidelity from the person who is genuinely in a person going through a midlife crisis we need to understand that a person going through a midlife crisis is a cry for expression and fulfilment, how ever that may be shaped, and its something that you can not suppress.

My view is that a person is either going through a particularly narcissistic phase, or has always been narcissistic and has worked hard (or not so hard in some cases!) to hide it. In my experience narcissism comes out in mid life because it is about releasing the suppression (for what ever reason) a person has felt previously, OR, that their narcissism has always been there, hidden a little but perhaps more obvious from the outside of the relationship than from within.

In my experience and understanding, someone who really has always been quite narcissistic will always be that way. That’s how they developed from a young child, so its not going to be something that the person can change in themselves easily even if they a) could acknowledge they are overly narcissistic or b) actually wanted to do anything about it.

Secondly, if they are just going through a narcissistic phase, a natural thing I think within a person going through a midlife crisis I personally think you pretty much need to leave them to get on with it. If you try to stop them, then you are suppressing them and you will make things worse. If they don’t want to go and see a counsellor then there isn’t much you can do to make them. However, if they ever begin to open up to what is going on for them, that’s a good time to listen to them, but don’t expect them to tell all that they are thinking either. In this situation I think the most important thing is to let them get on with it but not at the cost of yourself and your family.

Spend some time working out how to better protect yourself, i.e. are you secure if the person suddenly just up’s and leaves? How will you cope? Try to work out some plan for independence and work towards becoming so. Also, keep your respect for yourself high. Just because they are ‘going through something’ doesn’t mean you have to accept infidelity or late night parties with mates downstairs whilst you and the children try to get to sleep for example. Keep yourself in contact with good supportive friends where you can too.

The situations I have experienced in others that I would describe as a person going through a midlife crisis are all unique but for one thing, they are the last straw in a lifetime of coping with something that is wrong for them. Unconscious and/or conscious the points that make their life wrong for them come out in the end because they can not continue with the way they are living. I have helped people to firstly recognise the situation (if they don’t know already) and secondly support them through the process and encourage them that what they are doing and experiencing is very natural.

If your person going through a midlife crisis partner is really willing to open up and share all their feelings with you then you have the chance to support them and work out arrangements and activities to help them, as well as you get through it.

I see a person going through a midlife crisis as being about someone’s issues and the effect it has on their personality, therefore its about understanding the person and matching that to typically what an person going through a midlife crisis is for people, but not expecting all people to experience the same things.

I understand for someone who is with a person going through a person going through a midlife crisis it is a very confusing and an upsetting time. It can knock your self-esteem and may drive you to depression. However if you can at least understand the situation or phenomena you are experiencing at least you will be in a better position to survive it yourself. Easing the transition of a person going through a midlife crisis can change what can be a disaster into an adventure.

Some individual’s partners sound like they were going through a vulnerable time and seem to be doing the best they could to support then considering how vulnerable & oversensitive they are. As your partner begins to distance themselves it is time for the suffering partner to find themselves as an individual and without their partner irrespective of what may happen in the future.

This thing has been forced on them so it probably feels like its so unfair, maybe everything was right and going well but suddenly it all changed. Now they have to do something and I think doing something for yourself is healthier than spending all your time thinking and worrying about a person that is only half communicating.

By reviewing your own identity you have the change to reset your own direction and maybe, even if your partner does settle back down at home, you will be in a better position to deal with your partner’s problems in the future and be stronger about the situation and what you really want from the relationship, and your own life and future.