Do You Know What You Want From A Relationship?

Posted on May 31st, 2008 by Guy Lewis

Rhonda Leigh Jones wrote an impressive article on what to consider when understanding what you want form a relationship that left me wondering what else needs to be considered at midlife.

I felt it is quite complete and compared it to my own relationship and feelings too.

I think, for anyone who has got to midlife it should be more clear what you really want from a relationship because by then you will have probably had a few and broken up a few.

Perhaps by now you think to yourself you don’t actually want a relationship, or that you only want a relationship that is far less committed, and more of an open friend like relationship that is not complicated by the issues of a more serious one, such as, cohabiting, commitments to domestic chores or changing your ways to accommodate someone else’s needs.

For people entering what ever relationship they want in midlife there is something else to consider in a relationship that is not covered by Rhonda’s article.

Its the baggage we all have by then. By baggage I mean we have a history. Some good, some not so good. A divorce or two might need explaining, a financial crisis, an illness, a few children across the world maybe?

It is important that we offer our history to our potential partners if we want to create a genuine and serious relationship with someone. For every piece of us we hide leaves a dark part of us that we are choosing never to offer to them. The more of these we have the less we offer ourselves to our partners.

Likewise, we need to consider what we are prepared to take on of someone else’s history. How much of that history affects your day to day living with someone? A past drug addiction that might come back some day perhaps?

This reminds me of that great film staring Ben Stiller, The Heartbreak Kid where, over time Ben’s character realizes he has jumped into a relationship way to early and that there was a lot more to his new bride that initially met the eye.