Are You Divorced? Have You Ever Fully Separated?
Are you Divorced Yet? If So, Have You Ever Fully Separated?
So many times I hear of people who have divorced only to find that at least one (in some cased both) partys are still very reliant on each other. Sure if this is a mutually agreeable situation then why not? However, if you do still offer a shoulder to lean on sometimes, consider how this will be taken by anyone you wish to attract. How will they feel if the ex still pops around and calls up when they are feeling down and in need of support?
I know of couples who have broken up badly yet one of them still needs support. Narcissistic in nature, someone who has had an affair may actually never get to understand you don’t want to be with him or her, and for years carry on being a nuisance in your life. They may spend time pressuring you to still do things for them, odd things like iron their shirt, pick up and drop the kids at their place. Little things like that make them feel they are in control still.
However they will only be a nuisance whilst you let them. So work hard to cut the ties, think about yourself, how do the arrangements fit with you? Recently my ex partner asked to have two of our children to stay over on Saturday night. Simple enough but I needed to consider how that would effect my day and my partner’s day.
You see, my somewhat narcissistic ex partner will need to have the children available to her once she has finished working, no earlier, and no later. If it is much later then she chooses not to bother. This means we have to be around at the right time and the right place or she won’t take the kids.
Like many people with a narcissistic personality disorder their narcissism was not clear to their partner until they grew to know them as an ex-partner. Like many narcissistic individuals she would be making efforts to tell our children that I have been awkward and that she has only been interested in seeing them.
This then needs me to help work through the children’s feelings when they return with issues around what mummy has said about daddy. As a survivor of narcissism you sort of get used to it and have to do a bit of mending but it can be hard sometimes not to be so honest with your children in these cases.
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Filed under: Post Divorce & Midlife Crisis, Relationship Break-up
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