Single
I wrote a piece last year that described an image I had of a person I knew in my local town. Don’t know her name, nor is this about being attracted to that person. But what I saw was a person who was independent at mid life and looked as if she was in the best place possible; in control of her life, not subjected to the idiosyncrasies of another person’s personal habits and character flaws within her own home and lifestyle.
Now I sit here as a single person again I am reflecting on that vision. I decided that what I felt inside was a strong sense to be independent and be single myself. Not to flounce around dating everyone in site but to be free from deeper relationships. Maybe I will learn more about myself this way too. Im not sure I am cut out for deeper relationships and sometimes think about the things about me that lead me to that conclusion.
I think, again, to some degree, there is an identity development going on for me. Does it ever stop?
Filed under: Relationship Break-up
Single
Your article is thoughtful.
identity is an ever moving fluid process, i have re discovered this thinking since I became single, shaped by our beliefs values and choices, the essence of who we are.
Although the pain of my perception of “being alone” felt unbearable” I have realised that no one is alone..we have friends and family but most importantly to me is the sense of self , the sense of who we are which gets redefined in any relationship that we enter and the sense of identity is forever in question.
We own ourselves, and no body has the right to challenge this, we are who we are, and who has the right to question our core selves……we are forever learning about our selves, and to have the ability to reflect on this and make life changes which are in essence valuing ourselves is a fantastic quality, the people we meet along the way assist this. I value all relationships that have occured in my life, learnt to let go of the pain I may have felt from them, the bitterness I felt to my marriage, but that is what shapes us…and I am very proud to be the person I am today.
Being single is a refreshing place to be …to enable further self discovery develop new and resurect old friendships which empower and guide us to fullfill our dreams.
Independence is liberating – IIfe is for living and if you / we choose to be single that is a choice to be respected.
Thank you for your comment Jo. It is a heart warming response. I was a little concerned about what this comment might include so am partly relieved but also feel that what you have written I could not have bettered myself.
The only thing I would add is that I believe in accepting the dark and the light of life, and relationships certainly throw both at us. To avoid relationships, in whatever way they may be defined is to avoid the fullness of life. By protecting ourselves if we wish to avoid relationships means our lives are less complete and possibly fulfilled.
Peace sister.