Caring For Aging Parents Who Abused You
I hear of people who are able to show empathy and care for their parents even though they were physically or / and emotionally abused by them. It feels hard to understand how a son or daughter can show unconditional care for a parent when this has happened, particularly in cases of the more extreme abuse.
This sort of experience tends to come into our lives as we hit our midlife.
Billy Connolly was one I recall from his biography written by his wife Pamela Stephenson.
I wonder if for some, its really the need for the son and daughter to try to make the father or mother be the parent they really wanted, trying as hard as they can to make it work right to the end.
I can only guess how hard this is.
A person I am aware of was emotionally abused by his parents. His father beat up his mother. His mother would tell him he, the son, was the only reason why she stayed and took the beatings.
He spent his childhood, and now his adult life constantly trying to gain their approval whilst they dangle it in front of him, needing him to do more and more for their narcissistic souls.
It then transfers through the generations and he is now doing exactly the same with his children.
Fortunately, his children now only live with their mother who is trying the best she can to remove the narcissism from their upbringing and heal the hereditary abuse that could have been going on for generations.
Filed under: Mid-Life Crisis, Relevant World News
I believe that those children that made sure that they lived their own life instead of blaming how they were raised on their life circumstances are in a position to forgive and understand that in most instances their parents did the best they could. I also believe that our society makes people believe that even if you were abused psychologically or physically by your parents that you have a duty to care; like it or not.
Interesting points Linda, yes I agree and understand. It is important to move away from blaming your parents for your situation or how you are. Taking responsibility, I think, is the first step towards dealing with your own issues.
However I wonder how hard that may be if you have been physically or emotionally abused. I’m taking this in the context of abuse in the extreme.
Secondly I agree that our society, to some degree encourages care for our elders although some do it better than others, for example the Mediterranean countries have a reputation for being closer as families from one end to the other of life. But again, I do wonder how hard it must be to tend to a weak parent whilst trying to block out the thoughts of emotional or physical abuse when the parent was the stronger one.
Best wishes