Is Your Partner Suffering From A Midlife Crisis, Or Is There Infidelity Involved?

You could divide midlife crisis’ into two types; a midlife crisis with infidelity or a midlife crisis without infidelity. The difference is hard to work out but the implications to you as a partner to someone who its not clear which is applicable is considerable.

I am amazed at how many people are currently consumed by the turmoil around their partner’s issues. On a day to day basis there are many out there looking for help to the ambiguity that confronts them. Their partner becomes distant and when asked what is wrong they speak of feeling confused and make statements such as, “I love you but I don’t love you” which only makes things more confusing. Each time they are confronted and asked more,  the logic of what is going on becomes more unclear. Eventually it feels like time to ask more direct questions such as, “are you having an affair?” which tends only to result in anger as a form of defence.

So how do you know what is happening? Its not easy because its hard to know if they are trying to deal with things in their life they can not avoid anymore, some self-esteem issues and other classic symptoms of a midlife crisis such as loosing one’s youth, a dip in a career, a long lost regret of an life-time’s opportunity. Yet these all could be a mask for something else.

Perhaps their midlife crisis has triggered a need to seek out excitement in relationships and are finding the excitement of this intoxicating. Perhaps the relationships they are exploring are of a recreational need within them and so are not being taken seriously enough to want to break up their marriage or family. Or maybe they are feeling particularly narcissistic and want to avoid the personal turmoil this will cause to their life, the lost of the family home and the need to find a new home and perhaps even a need to financially support themselves.

If you consider a midlife crisis is very much about a low self-esteem, self doubt and depression then its no wonder that many are inspired or drawn one night stands and extra-marital affairs for the lift in their self-esteem and a quick injection of happiness to sooth the depression. Many people who feel depressed (in mood rather than clinical) will look for immediate fixes for their feelings as they are trying to deal with the present irrespective of the cost to the future.

Considering also that a person with a midlife crisis is particularly consumed by their own issues, then narcissism is particularly strong in their personality today. This can mean they will be looking to feed their own needs irrespective of the cost and pain to anyone else, perhaps even making an excuse that their issues are all because of their partner as a way to resolve the conflict they feel between feeling guilty about their actions and feeling that they need to do put themselves first. For many in this situation its an easy excuse to make. Too easy.

But it doesn’t mean you have to accept the blame. By distancing themselves from you or even rejecting you, you might be particularly vulnerable and shocked at what your partner will say. It might take you a while to work through what has been said and often people will sadly take the blame for their partner’s actions.

Getting back to the point of this article, this blaming may be part of a mask for their actions. So how can you tell? What is the difference between a person who is trying to deal with self-doubt and low self-esteem as part of a midlife crisis, or someone who is engaged in infidelity?

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Part two of three is here: http://www.discoveraid.com/mid-life-crisis/midlife-crisis-or-infidelity-part-2.html

Have you got any advice you would like to share about your situation? Post them here.

Guy

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Filed under: Mid-Life Crisis, Relationship Break-up

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