Is Your Partner Suffering From A Midlife Crisis, Or Is There Infidelity Involved? (Part Two)
Is Your Partner Suffering From A Midlife Crisis, Or Is There Infidelity Involved? Part Two
Back in Part One we started to wonder what is the difference between a person who is trying to deal with self-doubt and low self-esteem as part of a midlife crisis, or someone who is engaged in infidelity as part of a midlife crisis ?
Take a look at the following table to see how confusing this is. I’m sure if you are reading this today you are familiar at least to some of these.
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If dealing with a midlife crisis with infidelity |
If dealing with a midlife crisis WITHOUT infidelity |
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Weight reduction |
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Dressing up |
Dressing to attract |
Dressing to improve self esteem |
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Staying Late After Work |
Using it as an excuse to date and socialise, playing at being young again |
Maybe trying for a promotion to get the position they wanted to get at their age. Trying to prove something to themselves or their parents? Conversely, playing at being young again by socialising and having some reckless fun |
|
Taking up new activities that keep them away from the family & home at weekends |
Engaged in weekends away or dates with new relationships |
Engrossed in new passions |
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Secretive about texting |
Engaged in a relationship that they want to keep secret |
No obvious reason |
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Staying up late on the Internet |
Using the Internet to find new relationships and developing those relationships. Typically the use of dating sites and instant chat applications are used. Email is a little harder to keep hidden in some situations so is not used as much by those trying to hide their activities |
Possibly Using the Internet as an escape, exploring their own sexuality in a safe secure way but want to hide this or feel they can not talk about it. |
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Inconsistencies with times and places |
Trying unsuccessfully to keep a side of their life from you. That side will more than likely be something that they don’t want you to know about so expect the worst. |
No apparent reason other than being reckless and wanting to play at being young again (e.g. pubs and bars, music and clubs) but could easily change into having affairs |
This table shows how the same action by your partner can be seen as infidelity or a more honest result of a midlife crisis without infidelity. So how can you really know which way your partner is playing?
Well, someone who is in a soul searching midlife crisis will more likely be looking to talk to you, and to friends about how they feel. Sure, there are lots of people out there who don’t know how to openly express themselves. But there’s more. Their change in behaviour will probably be around a change of clothing style and not necessarily to attract, but to feel younger, or accept their ageing identity and look stylish but embrace their age. They will probably be drawn into and be consumed by an activity that takes them away from the family more when they are not at work (for example, golf, scuba diving or other social sport).
Conversely a person who is seeking out short term or an alternative relationship without being honest about it will be reducing their weight, dressing to attract and, most noticeably, will be absent more and more from the home, working late and staying with friends more often. On questioning them they will be evasive if you dig too deep, become argumentative and defensive if their stories do not add up and turn the blame or self-doubt onto you.
Keep an eye on them. If there are not willing to share their thoughts… secrets.. then you will need to keep a close eye on them and eventually you will see some more helpful evidence that will secure you with knowledge and help you understand what you need to do to protect yourself if required.
You might drop into the golf club only to find they are not there today but when questioned when they return home their excuse seems to be quickly thought up on the spot so that when you dig their only way out is to argue and confront you with why are you questioning to push you into backing down.
They will spend more time on their phone and on the Internet perhaps. They will delete their phone text messages immediately, they will keep their Internet activities protected.
What can you do about your partner’s situation?
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Have you got any advice you would like to share about your situation? Post them here.
Guy
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Filed under: Mid-Life Crisis, Relationship Break-up
[...] Part two of three is here [...]
[...] Part Two of Three is here [...]