The Cycle Of Life
The Road Of Reflection
Recently I drove along a road that I had not followed for more than 18 years.
It was an opportunity to reflect on the changes of my life in that time and consider the people I had not seen since those times.
I past a house where I dropped off a lovely girl who wanted to date me, almost 20 years ago. Why I had not dated her is beyond me now. Notched up as one of life’s regrets.
"The world is still changing, perhaps faster now than ever before. "
I watched the houses and shops of this suburb of London go by. So many of these average looking houses now hosted luxury cars parked outside where before would have been an average family saloon.
It seems the houses themselves had been promoted to luxury status just by being so in demand from the large number of people who wanted to live in the area.
What was drawing them to the area were the large office blocks being build where before were until only recently just simple shops and pubs from pre and post war suburban growth.
These survived the recent decades where others were replaced with wine bars and luxury clothing stores only to end their days being squashed by high office blocks designed to impress.
These offices house thousands of people, many new to the area that also would need housing and entertainment when not at work.
In the mid last century there were three cinemas. By the time I was walking the streets there were two, and soon after only one. That was altered to accommodate three cinemas of smaller audiences. This too was closed by the time I was in my twenties. Ten years later a new one was opened with thirteen cinemas.
The change I have witnessed, many have also seen in their towns across the globe for this isn’t particularly a western happening, its about the growth of people and the move towards living in cities for the majority of the world’s population.
"To expect everything to stay the same, to comfort me in its stability was unrealistic."
I had to keep in mind that there was continual change, and that when I was a child what I saw was part of that change. To expect everything to stay the same, to comfort me in its stability was unrealistic.
The world is still changing, perhaps faster now than ever before. How long would these new buildings last? Perhaps hald the time, or less of their predecessors.
The end of my journey took me to where my Uncle now lives. A home for the elderly. My uncle now suffers from altzimers dementsia and has been here since he could not be looked after by his wife, my aunt around a year an a half ago.
Recently my Aunt has sadly died and now my parents are involved in spending their time with legal representatives dealing with assets and wills.
Seeing my Uncle was more of a shock than I had expected. He looked a lot older, although I had not seen him for quite a while since I live a long way away and find it hard to travel because of child commitments.
He looked confused and didn’t seem to recognise that we were there, let alone who we were. It was Peter but he was thinner and stooped where before he was always bright and alive and in good humour.
So quickly that had changed. His wife, noticed his confusion and he struggled to make sense of what he was trying to say when he got involved in discussions with others.
He got up from his chair, turned and walked to a door to fiddle with it. Turned around and walked to the window and touched the sill, turned around slowly, pointed to the floor and muttered something and then shuffled out of the door to go along the corridor.
He looked confused and unable to understand how to express himself. He looked as if everything was confusing him, as if life and objects around him consumed his mind with confusion.
I felt a rush of emotions myself in that room. I was warned that he had deteriorated and in fact everything was exactly how I was told but yet the emotions about Peter, about his late wife Sally, about my own father’s health and my own midlife position all welled up inside of me. I struggled to hold back the tears.
"The cycle of life was laid out all in front of me on that journey."
The cycle of life was laid out all in front of me on that journey. The girl I remember on the journey there, what had she done with her life? Was she successful and contented? What about me? I have so much more to do.
What about my father? I read a story about a couple who lived together for 55 years until one of them had to go into a home to be supported. My parents had celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary last week. So to compare my parents to this story they have 5 more years to go?
How do you deal with the cycle of life ?
Do you want to know how my thoughts progressed? Check out the second part of my midlife crisis thoughts and the effect of seeing the cycle of life had on me here.
Guy
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Filed under: Mid-Life Crisis, Philosophical
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