How Can Someone Walk Away From Their Family?

Posted on March 25th, 2008 by Guy Lewis

Midlife Crisis & Relationship Advice: Documented Postings Number 2

How Can Someone Leave & Reject Their Family ?

How can a person going through a person going through a midlife crisis simply up and walk away from a family? Well in my opinion a person that does this is in a very troubled state.

They probably have denied their real selves and haven’t been honest with you, anyone and even themselves. So it all boils up and when the volcano erupts they go off the rails. Some come back.

It’s a sad situation for the real victims of a situation like this, the children. Trouble is, I think a lot of people going through a midlife crisis ’s think they are the victims, or if not, want to make it out that they are the victims.

But lets be pragmatic about this. If a person going through a midlife crisis decides they don’t want to be associated or connected to their children, as hard as that is for the children then it is certainly something you need to try to keep that way because, by definition, they aren’t going to be good parents to them if they ever have contact are they? This is certainly my experience.

In fact they can be very destructive since they will be flowing with narcissism probably and will use the children to get at you or use them for their own purposes.

I know of one who puts photos up of himself with his kids on dating sites to make it look like he is a doting father, yet he told his wife, in front of them he never wanted the children and it was all her doing.

There’s only one word that is best used for people like that; therapy… and lots of it. (OK that was…five)

Even if we ‘expect’ an adult to be responsible about their family commitments we unfortunately cant expect everyone to have the strength of character to follow through on this.

Like I said briefly above, in my opinion there is a darwinian / natural thing going on here. If a person cannot deal with fathering or mothering their own children then it is best for the children (albeit hard and upsetting and affecting) for them to leave and not be involved.

Surely by the fact that that is how they feel they wont be good parents to the children and make matters worse.

The worse situation is where a parent insists on access to children when they are disruptive. That is, in my opinion, less favourable and more destructive to a child.

With the absent parent really absent at least you have a chance to bring good male or female role models into your child’s life. I think that is very significant for a child.

My partner’s children are affected by the behaviour of their absent father. Very affected. Apparently I’m a pretty reasonable role model but the youngest has a great male teacher at school that praises her when she does well and encourages her when she is feeling unconfident.

I’m sure that man will be someone who she uses in later life to compare to males for her own selection which is so much more use to her than her damaged father.

Have you got any advice you would like to share about your situation? Post them here.

Guy

If you feel this article has been useful to you then please donate something to help me keep this site alive for others. Thank you.