Struggling With Existentialism

Posted on March 19th, 2009 by Ruben

I give myself a hard time. Unlike most, who are happy to plod through life,
the routine and the life cycle all set out in front of them. I am feeling,
Like Bono once said, that I still haven’t found what I am looking for.

Its not a religious thing, its more about a reason for it all. What is the
reason for my life? I am not looking for a self-proclaimed guru to tell me,
I know I need to find it out for myself.

I just feel that the existence I have, is not enough.

I think to myself, if and when there comes a time when I look back on a long
life, could I honestly say to myself I made a difference, a positive
difference to this earth and the creatures who live on it?

Have I felt fulfilled, have I contributed positively, or, did I just exist
and go through the process of the human life cycle reproducing to then pass
on the challenge to my children to achieve where I had not.

I want to make a positive change to the world we live in. I want my
consumption of the earths resources to be a net positive rather than a net
loss.

I want to make a positive impact on not only my children’s lives but for
others in need and those around me. But not just that, I want to feel and
see that there are things I have done that have helped to steer these hearth
inhabitants and nature towards a better future than that which we currently
have.

Each generation has its own challenges. My previous generation was to ensure
that two empires did not take over and enslave the world. Since then war has
been a common activity yet we also now have the challenge of steering the
world away from destruction by our over-consumption and pollution.

I keep thinking that this is where my opportunity lies. Somewhere here,
amongst the challenges of climate change, environmentalism, human & animal
suffering and extinction.

I shall keep looking and thinking.